Sono un padre separato: quante volte posso vedere mio figlio?

Incontri con i figli!

Dopo la fine di una relazione amorosa da cui sono nati dei figli, la preoccupazione maggiore per i genitori è quella relativa all’organizzazione degli incontri con gli stessi.

Non si può negare che, soprattutto in presenza di bambini particolarmente piccoli, tale preoccupazione affligge soprattutto i padri, i quali sono terrorizzati all’idea di vedersi sottratto il loro diritto a trascorrere tempo adeguato con i propri figli.

È una preoccupazione legata al fatto che, in virtù del collocamento prevalente(di cui si dirà), nella  maggioranza dei casi i figli in tenera età continuano a vivere con la madre, ed è il diritto alle frequentazioni paterne a dover essere regolamentato.

È bene però, anzitutto, sfatare un mito, e tranquillizzare tutti i padri che stiano attraversando la fase della separazione: nessuno, tranne in casi limitati ed estremi, può negarvi di incontrare i vostri figli.

La legge sancisce per tutti i figli, che siano o meno nati in costanza di matrimonio, il diritto alla bigenitorialità, cioè a costruire un rapporto stabile con entrambi i genitori, ed è per questo che sia gli accordi eventualmente raggiunti dalle parti, che le disposizioni di un giudice al quale ci si rivolge in caso di mancato accordo, devono essere volti alla massima tutela di questo sacrosanto ed inviolabile diritto di tutti i figli.

Facendo un piccolo passo indietro rispetto alla regolamentazione attuale, con la riforma del diritto di famiglia del 1975 la famiglia ha subito un’importante innovazione, attraverso l’introduzione del principio di eguaglianza morale e giuridica dei coniugi, aventi gli stessi diritti, che dovrebbero esercitare di comune accordo, e gli stessi reciproci doveri: alla fedeltà, all'assistenza, alla collaborazione e alla coabitazione.

Da tale eguaglianza si è poi giunti alla affermazione della medesima parità nel ruolo dei genitori, e ciò attraverso l'introduzione dell'affido condiviso con L. 54/2006.

Lalegge presuppone, dunque, che dopo la cessazione della convivenza tra i genitori i figli restino affidati a entrambi e, conseguentemente, dovrebbero trascorrere tempi più o meno uguali con la madre e con il padre. Questo seppur vi sia ancora il c.d. collocamento prevalente, ossia i figli rimangano a vivere in maniera prevalente presso un genitore, solitamente, specie in tenera età, la madre.

Detto questo, non vi sono rigidità nello stabilire tempi esatti da trascorrere con i figli da parte del genitore non collocatario, essendo importante solo che i figli abbiano a disposizione tempi adeguati a consentire la costruzione di un rapporto solido con la madre e con il padre.

L’assenza di rigidità è legata al fatto che ciascuna famiglia è diversa, e dunque la calendarizzazione degli incontri va stabilita prendendo in considerazione oltre che il supremo interesse del figlio (ed i suoi impegni scolastici e non) anche le esigenze, ad esempio lavorative, di ciascun genitore.

Si badi che, come detto sopra, tutti i figli godono del diritto alla bigenitorialità, anche quelli nati fuori dal matrimonio. Tuttavia, mentre le coppie sposate hanno a disposizione i procedimenti di separazione e divorzio per regolamentare l’affido e il mantenimento dei figli, quelle di fatto devono presentare un ricorso congiunto o contenzioso per regolare l’affidamento ed il mantenimento della prole nata fuori dal matrimonio.

In ogni caso, qualora si riesca a trovare un accordo, la calendarizzazione degli incontri viene stabilità dai genitori insieme ai propri legali, mentre qualora ciò non sia possibile sarà il giudice a predisporla.

È del tutto evidente che un accordo sia estremamente più vantaggioso rispetto alla via contenziosa, anche e soprattutto alla luce degli interessi dei figli e la collaborazione tra i genitori per raggiungerlo, per quanto difficile nelle coppie con elevata conflittualità, è fondamentale.

È bene evidenziare che anche nel caso di affidamento esclusivo ad uno dei due genitori, che oggi rappresenta un’ipotesi eccezionale, e che deve essere sancito con provvedimento del Tribunale (si tratta di quei casi di incapacità oggettiva di uno dei genitori di prendersi cura del figlio, di totale disinteresse del genitore, che non rispetta mai il diritto di visita e si rende irreperibile, con ciò danneggiando il minore, di inequivocabile strumentalizzazione del figlio per far valere le proprie convinzioni nei confronti dell'altro genitore e il tentativo di allontanarlo da questi, anche fisicamente, di comportamenti violenti del genitore ai danni del figlio), salvo diversa statuizione del giudice, il genitore ritenuto “non idoneo” ha comunque diritto di vedere il proprio figlio, così come di contribuire al suo mantenimento e di essere coinvolto nelle decisioni più importanti che lo riguardano. Certamente in tal caso il tempo da trascorrere con la prole è ridotto, ed è possibile, ad esempio, che il giudice disponga incontri protetti (alla presenza di professionisti adeguati) qualora sia ritenuto doversi garantire tale protezione al minore.

Tirando le fila del discorso, la legge, pur non indicando esattamente i tempi da trascorrere con i figli dopo la separazione, delinea i principi da cui ricavare i criteri per la determinazione di una regolamentazione adeguata nell’esclusivo interesse dei figli.

Nonostante quello della separazione sia un passo certamente difficile ed in ogni caso doloroso non solo per le parti coinvolte, ma anche e soprattutto per i figli, è certamente auspicabile che i genitori lavorino al raggiungimento di un accordo, e che non dimentichino mai che, pur smettendo di essere marito e moglie o compagni di vita, non si smette mai di essere genitori.

Lascia un commento



Dalida

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Buongiorno chiedo un aiuto per vedere mio figlio grazie

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